To Daryl

Some of the smses in the panasonic.

"Do u really think i dun care abt you...."

"But i dont....i nvr thought of you as less impt...."

And...a lot of stupid things I said.

Because, I never believed that you didn't fight for me enough.

I knew you did...

But me...stupid me...let my insecurities get in the way...

3 I love yous in a row. And a fourth after.

"This is the last time for us....last chance....because if u dun take it....i will be gone for gd....pls say you want me to be ur boyfriend....pls say u want me there....den i can find mre str....i dun want to give up but im really too tired and my own will is no longer enough to help me find str..."

And when I said yes, and you said thanks for saying yes.

Stupid me...forgot that sometimes, you need someone, and said I hadn't said yes...because I wanted you to find your own strength...

"The fact I cried 3 nights in a row proves i love you doesnt it?"

Yes it does...yes it does...it does Daryl...but stupid me...stupid me...and my stupid insecurities...

And that time I played the "I cut myself and I'm dying" trick on you...

"Dun do it....im sry....i lied abt not loving you....dun kill urself...."

And that night...I kept pushing you away...and then...now...you're really gone...

Those two words. Are never enough...

But, with all my heart and soul, I'm sorry.

I love you.

Please...remember the love...the love I insisted you didn't have...because of my insecurities.

The love I knew you had.

I'm sorry. For letting my insecurities get in the way, I'm sorry.

I love you.