A sudden fear eats me, and I find that I'm wishing death unto myself. It's as if I have been struck down and my sight snatched away from me. The feeling of insurmountable obstacles leave me grasping blindly around me, wishing for something, anything, which would lead me past this seemingly impassable mountain.
A sudden thought strikes me. What is this menacing mountain? I don't even know what gave birth to such fear. That thought does nothing, serving only to bring tears to my eyes. For what enemy is harder to defeat than one that is unseen to the naked eye? I question my fate, wondering what I did to deserve such a foe, one who has struck me down and ground my face into the ground with the sole of his shoe before taking a step back, waiting for me to get up just so he can beat me down again.
A sudden image comes to mind, and I feel a hot wetness at my eyes as tears of humiliation flow down at the sight of his mocking smile. I am nothing but a toy to this foe, one to be thrown into the dust when he grows weary of my feeble attempts to resist his dominance.
A sudden burst of strength and courage gained from false bravado, as my stubborn nature kicks in and tempts my entire being with illusions of sunny victories, cheers of the people I hold dear to me as I ride into the stadium, straight and tall on my mount, the proud victor over...
Nothing. Reality sinks in as I attempt the unclimbable, only to find myself sliding dejectedly back into the embrace of the silent earth. I give up, and I feel myself crumble to the ground as all strength in my legs abandon me. This is the end. I will remain here, to fade away into nothingness in due time. I look around in a final attempt to see if there is any route of escape, and find...
Nothing. I lie down, and close my eyes, wishing the end would hurry over.
I sleep restlessly, and dream of nothing. For hours, which turn into days, I do nothing, eat nothing.
One day, I don't know how many days after I had given up, I awaken at a slight scrabbling sound. My eyes slide listlessly, and I watch as a mouse mother sniffs around a boulder. My mind laughs at her futile attempts to shift the boulder, for what seemed like no proper reason. But one part of me, the part that still wants to live, is listening. I hear frightened squeaks, and I realize that her babies are trapped under the boulder, kept alive only by the tiny indent in the earth. Such small creatures are saved, and a human, so much more important, is left to die.
I continue watching the mother mouse, who has shifted her effort from attempting to shift the boulder, to attempting to dig a tunnel to her babies. I laugh once more, and close my eyes again.
When I open my eyes, I see the mother staring up at a house cat, her frightened eyes not backing down in the least. She is already wounded in several areas, yet her tiny squeaks seem to speak the language of brave soldiers who step into the battlefield embracing death. Something about her movements touch me, and I get up slowly, arduously, and with sudden gusto, flap my arms to chase the cat away. The mother mouse looks up at me, her eyes seemingly thanking me, but without further ado, goes back to her task of digging her tunnel.
I look from the mother mouse to my mountain, and find myself wondering why such a tiny, insignificant creature could find the courage to surpass the obstacle in its path, while I am left trembling in fear.
A sudden epiphany. The clouds of darkness seem to clear, and I stare into the face of my foe, and see...
Myself. The me, who disillusions herself from the true task at hand. The me, who escapes when she finds a task too difficult. The me, who puts herself before others.
But even as realisation dawns upon me, I feel the strength leaving me. I have, after all, not eaten for days. A weird thought crosses my mind, the first of its kind. I decide that if I am to leave this earth, I will do so with a noble finish to mark the end of my life. With the last of my strength, I roll the boulder aside, and watch as the mother mouse and her babies reunite. A smile crosses my face, and I like the feeling, strange as it feels on my face instead of someone else's. To die with such a picture of joy in front of me, I really wouldn't have it any other way.
But after a quick check to see if her babies are fine, the mother mouse scurries off. I watch in confusion, as the previously concerned mother mouse suddenly turns into an indifferent rat. There, that was the me of illusions, painting an all too pretty picture of the world.
Before long, I see something approaching me, which opens my eyes to see another side of me. The pessimist. The one who thinks the worst of anything happening.
The mother mouse has returned as a big hearted lion, and lays out such a spread before me that I have never seen before. It roars encouragingly as if urging me to eat, before it shrinks back to its mouse form and scurries away with its babies. Such oddities I had never seen before, and I eat with wonderment. I find strength finding its way back into me with each bite, and soon, I feel as strong as I did in the beginning, when I first came upon this strange land.
I turn back to the mountain, my mountain, and clamber up slowly, step by step, and as I do so, I vow never to lose to myself again. For which enemy is more terrifying than the darkness of your heart whose existence you refuse to acknowledge? Which enemy can be stronger than one who has his hold on you by your denial?
I reach the peak, and for the second time in my entire life, I smile. It's a welcome feeling, one I could get used to.
I close my eyes to take in a deep breath of the fresh mountain air. And when I open my eyes, I see,
Life, in all its fullness.
HAHAHA! I just felt like writing. Alright, it looks like I'm really rusty. Need to polish up on my skills more. ((: Still have the same old bad habits...
Writing never fails to cheer me up. YAY! It's been awhile since I've let loose like this.
Nothing written here was done with prior planning. In other words, I know its not excellent. But it contains my own effort and thoughts. So no idea stealing please! You can always ask me if you want to use it. xD
AND I THINK I GOT AN IDEA FOR A NEW STORY!
WHEEE!
Perhaps everything that happens, does happen for a reason. ((:
Ja'ne!
-Ade-
PS: This story was completely fictional in nature. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely unintentional.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment