Scared...

Heys! Haha am going for my school's self-awareness camp tomorrow. Like real I'm going to share my personal issues with them. Haha. NO WAY MAN!

Good thing is, we got the best retreat site, with air-conditioning and BEDS! Haha. WHEE!

And on Saturday, I'm going for some audition thingy? Haha scarey man...

Well, I'm looking forward to the camp! Haha. I shall enjoy myself without having to share too much...I'm not one to open up too much anyway. HAHA!

Ja' ne!

-Ade-

Testing...

Yay! Haha Its working! What am I talking about? Well, basically, I'm sitting in macdonalds now, and I'm on the net! Yay! The wireless on my laptop works! Wahaha.

Just got out of CNY mass a little while ago, and am feeling all high and stuff. For some reason. I'm not too sure myself. Grins.

Ok...given, I'm on the net now...can't seem to install MSN messanger for some reason though...Hai...

Anyways, happy CNY people! Have fun visiting!

-Ade-

Freedom

Just came back from my family's Chinese New Year Reunion dinner, and one of my suspicions all along was confirmed.

My mum did read my diary.

Normally, I would throw a big fit and stuff, shouting, INVASION OF PRIVACY.

But I just laughed.

I guessed that means that I have really managed to put the past behind me and move on.

And thats a good thing.

I've always been a person very concerned with freedom. I like to speak my mind, and do what I like. That, coupled with my stubborness, means that its very hard to make me do something against my will.

And that includes having me put on a skirt.

So, who wants to be held back by shackles of the past? Clinging to the past instead of moving on is just gonna hold you back.

And yet, there are some things not so easily forgotten.

Whatever it is, I want to stay free.

Free to soar into the sky like an eagle.

(I changed my blog title! ^^)

Ja' ne!

-Ade-

(Three posts in one day? I'm really bored. Haha.)

Bored...

Sitting at home in front of the computer, talking to a few of my friends on MSN but still feeling very bored.

So here I am! I have decided to post! Haha

There's this song from an anime which I REALLY REALLY like. It really struck me at first, because it really is quite true. Well, maybe not all of it, but most of it. Or...maybe just the first part?

Regardless, it is a really meaningful song, and I find a lot of truth in the lyrics.

Nothing can beat church hymns, though.

But here's the song lyrics!

Bleach- Life is like a boat (Rie Fu)

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

tooku de iki o shiteru
toomei ni natta mitai
kurayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku
shisareteta dake

inori o sasagete
atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi
sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku
mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki
de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
and soon I can't see the shore

Oh, I can't see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku
odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki
de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete
atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi
sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
and soon I can't see the shore

Unmei no hune oko gi
nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to
watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne,
dore mo suteki na tabi ne

Yeap. This is it. I got the lyrics from gendou.

Darn long, isn't it? Haha

But its really meaningful, due to how true it is. Maybe its just me, maybe its a whole lot of us. But all the same, this song struck me.

How many people know who we really are inside? People say that your friends know you better than you know yourself. And yet, how are others to know who you are, if you yourself don't know?

Some say that for others to know you, you must first know yourself. Others say that your friends will know you more than you will ever know yourself.

So which are we to believe?

So many people say, day in day out, that they are your friends, and that they will always be there for you.

But how many actually keep their promise?

I don't wanna be one of those hypocrites who only know how to talk. That is why every single word from my previous post came from my heart.

Life is a journey. One that all of us must go through.

This journey could end at any time.

That is why, I wanna live each day like its my last, and I wanna do as much as possible for my friends.

Live life with no regrets.

"Live each day like its your last, but dream like you have forever"- Unknown. (At least, to me)

Ja' ne!

-Ade-

I'll always be there...

Sometimes, it may seem like I'm in no mood to listen to you, either because I'm too hyper or too sad. Or it may seem like I'm too busy, too wrapped up in my own affairs, to take the time off to be there for a friend.

But that is never true.

I won't be able to sense your mood every single time. I'm no psychic. I'm only human, with no special abilities of any sort.

But all you have to do is ask...in fact, you only need to start talking to me, and I promise that I will listen. I will always be there for you, ready to lend a listening ear or to be a punching bag.

What you say doesn't have to be edited for me. You can rant, curse and swear all you want, because I will never complain. I don't mind. I really don't. As long as it helps you feel better.

All I want to do, is to use this life of mine and dedicate it to helping my friends.

No, I'm not noble or anything. Maybe I'm just doing this for selfish reasons. Because I get the most joy when I see my friends smile. So does that make me selfish?

Whatever it is, I just wanna let you know, I will always be there for you.

24/7, you can just drop me an sms, a call, anything. And I will try my very best to be there for you immediately.

I'm a walking network, always ready to listen.

This is meant for no one in particular. If anything, this is a message to ALL my friends out there. Every single one of you.

Ja' ne!

-Ade-

Lost

Sometimes, I ask myself...What is my heart really feeling? And most of the time, I find no answer. And the only thing I can do is to keep smiling, and keep trying to figure out what exactly I'm feeling.

Beneath that smiling hyper bunny, there is the quiet contemplative side. It shows when I'm alone, but flees when company arrives. And then, I put on a smile, and act as if nothing was wrong.

Like what's happening to me right now. One of my friends got angry with me out of the blue, and I didn't even know why. Then, I spotted some pretty direct hints on her blog. It hurt, but day in, day out, I continued smiling. What else should I do? Crying won't help right? And yet, my friends all tell me that its not good to hold in your emotions.

Also, feelings are stirring deep within me, feelings that I thought were long gone, and all because of a simple encounter. What can I say? I don't want these feelings to exist, and yet, at the same time, I do. Its really quite confusing, and the only thing I can say is, I am at a loss.

Thank goodness for my great friends around me, who help me keep going.

Ja' ne! Gomen' ne, for making you guys sit through this.

[I'm jap inclined...shall download Kanji next time!]

-Ade-