The picture...that started it all...
The umbrella...
The conversation...that started it all...

Maybe...it should never have taken place...

Cos...It's hurting so many people...

And it's hurting you.

I.

Should just shut up.

Everything I say. Just goes wrong.

I shall try not to...talk anymore...

Tonight...will be...the last night...

The old me...would have said... "I grow new wings from this sadness."

The old...idealistic...me.

Who pictured the world...as such a perfect place...

Who saw the good...in everyone...

Who never thought...anything could hurt this much...

The new me...was cruelly dragged down to reality.

Still trying to see the good in people.

But knowing...that reality isn't as simple as my old ideals...

I should just...disappear.

Dinner- FAIL.

I couldn't eat again.

That's missing 3 meals today.

So hungry.

But no appetite...

Gonna try for durian and ice cream.

Last resort.

"But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

Even if you don't ever love me.

Even if you never return.

I'll be loving you.

And waiting.

I am emo. Muahaha.

I haven't eaten since lunch time. Yesterday.

And I'm hungry.

Starving.

But I still don't have an appetite.

The only thought running through my head.

I love. You.

More with each day, in fact.

Despite all the hurt.

I don't want to love anyone else?

I'm stupid. Haha.

Nice dream

Oh. But I have to say.

The dream. Was happy. (:

We were...happy.

We were...the way we were...Happy.

We did...the things we did...hug and all...

I miss. Your lips.

I miss. Your arms.

I miss. Your voice.

I miss. You smiling at me.

I miss. You 'eating' my mouth. >.<

I miss. You.

I love. You.

I will. Not. Cry.

Crap.

Don't cry.

God...always gives me these obscure answers.

I always get my hopes up.

And then everything comes crashing down again.

And I'm getting my hopes up again.

I should just...erase that dream.

Cos, it's making me remember...all the good times...

Physically and emotionally.

Things I never thought I'd do.

Watching a romantic movie for the sake of the company.

Hugging someone.

Telling someone I loved them.

And many many more, too personal to put here.

I love. You.

I.
Need.
To.
Get.
Drunk.

It'd be interesting to see what happens if I get drunk. xD

And they say a drunk person's words are often true?

I should get drunk in front of my friends, then get them to record what I say. xD

I need to numb it. Somehow.

Ahh...Finally woke up?

Kept waking up and going back to sleep...

I faintly remember my dad coming in at 10 something to wake me up? >.<

My eyes feel so tired.

I cried more last night than I cried for 2 days of the whole of last week.

Sigh.

And then.

I had a dream.

Where we were all okay.

And everyone was smiling.

And I woke up.

And I was crying.

I love you. All of you. White, Black and Gray. Whether you've changed or stay the same. I love you.

Just
Kill
Me.

Why.
You snatched away my heart.
And then, when I ask for answers.
You leave me dry and hanging.

Why God.

Why so cruel?

Why me?

I'm not strong enough...

And I just keep hurting people.

I'm not strong enough.

Just
Kill
Me

A badly written supposed to be poem

People walking past
Moving so very fast
While I stand here lost
I'll probably finish last.

The world is moving all around me.
But here is where I stand.
I've lost the will to go on.
It's all I can do to smile.

I'm trying to write a poem.
But my writing fails me now.
Just when I needed to express myself.
It had to go and burrow into the ground.

I'm thankful for everyone around me.
For giving me so much support.
But there's something missing within me.
That leaves me hanging, dry and empty.

I.
Love.
You.

And I sit here.

Wide awake.

Face tear stained.

Heart broken.

The tears keep falling.

They just don't stop.

And I cry and cry and cry.

And I ask.

Why I have to love someone.

Who likes someone else.

Why me?

Why did I have to be the mould.

Why me?

I'm too weak...

And then, my mind is blank.

And the only thought running through my head is

I love you.

And then, the tears fall somemore.

And I still think how much I love you.

But another thought has intruded.

The thought is

Just let me die...

I don't want to live anymore...

Day in, day out, I cry.

I ask why me.

I love you, but see only your back.

The eagle watched the guardian angel from afar, and tears ran down her face.

The eagle wished the ground would just open up and swallow her up.

She couldn't take it anymore.

For she loved the guardian angel so.

I love you more than I've ever loved anyone.

I've trusted you more than I've ever trusted anyone.

I loved you with my all.

And now, I'm dead.

And yet, somehow...

I find that I still have something to love you with.

You were...

So cold...

But thanks...

For offering...

To send me...

back home...

Even though...

It felt like...

You didn't...

Want to...

I love you. Black, white, gray.

I'm such a weakling.

I shouldn't have gone...

I couldn't hold back the tears...

I wish I could get amnesia...

I wish I could die...

I wish I could wake up, and all this was nothing but a nightmare.

I wish...I could run away...

Just...not go...

But...I'll do it...I'll plaster a smile to my face...create a dam to hold back the tears...

And after it's all over...

I'll come home...

Throw myself onto my bed...

And cry.

What should you love someone for?

Previously, if someone had asked me what I loved about the person I loved, or what you should love the person for, I would have said, "Love the person for who he/she is, not what he/she has or can become."

But, recent events have got me thinking. Is that really love?

If you can't accept the person's past.

If you can't accept the person when he/she changes?

And when he/she changes, are you going to just stop loving them?

To walk out on someone, just because he/she changed. Is that really love?

Isn't love...acceptance?

God loves us all for the sinners we are, for the mistakes he knows we will make.

And what about why you love the person? Because of his looks and all?

So, the next time someone asks me "Why do you love him?" I'm going to say, "I don't know, ask my heart."

And when someone asks "What do you love him for?" I'm going to say "Nothing. And everything."

I love you. White, black and gray.

250HDD.

2.50ghz.

Nvida Geforce 8400M gs GFX.

7 hours battery life.

2gig upgradable to 4gb ram.

1.75kg.

Vaio.

Mine if daddy closes the deal.

Yay.

If only I was really happy...

If only I had someone to squeal this to.

If only I had someone who'd laugh at me and congratulate me.

If only I had someone to share the coolness of a vaio with.

My heart feels so empty...My tears fall.

But it's just tears.

So what if I cry everyday?

It's just tears...Not as if I cut myself.

It's just tears.

And I realised how much I meant it.

I was talking to YX.

A flood of words came out.

Words that I had been playing around with, but wasn't sure I really meant.

Until I said them.

Then I saw how much I meant them.

For even if I had known I would be hurt this way.

I wouldn't have chosen not falling in love with Daryl, had I been given the choice.

Because, those 5 months were the happiest of my life.

And I'd sooner die than give up the chance for something like that.

Even if it comes with the hurt.

I guess this is what they mean when they say "It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all."

Words cannot fully convey the meaning behind that phrase.

You cannot fully comprehend until you've felt something like this before.

It is an enigma.

Mysterious, until you touch it.

And then you marvel at how simple it all is.

Unlike the complex explanations people like to come up with.

I love you.

Just...kill me...

Let me die...

The eagle already lost her will...

If only she'd hurry up and die.

My hair is getting longer and longer.

Something I've wanted to clarify for awhile now.

I'm letting my hair grow not cos I'm trying to change myself physically.

You obviously didn't read properly.

My hair is growing longer.

My tears have run dry. Literally.

My sadness is worse than before, and I can't even cry it out now.

You said you returned, but you seem the same as before you went. Cold. Just what did you think of? How much you want her? You don't seem to have changed much action and treatment wise.

I overslept for camp today.

I gotta drag myself out.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm gonna cry. Dry crying.