The impossible dream

11/26/2007		5:21:47 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i don't want whatever the impossible dream is to remain impossible because of what the one who is impossible does
11/26/2007		5:22:11 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		becoz the impossible one
11/26/2007		5:22:17 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		would rather
11/26/2007		5:22:21 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		u stay dry and dun get sick
11/26/2007		5:22:29 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		aww
11/26/2007		5:22:38 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i don't want the impossible one to get sick either
11/26/2007		5:22:49 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one can nvr get sick
11/26/2007		5:22:58 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for he has eaten too many poison cookies frm diff ppl
11/26/2007		5:23:03 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but
11/26/2007		5:24:02 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		but nth
11/26/2007		5:24:04 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		leave it as that
11/26/2007		5:24:17 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for if anyone steps out frm under the umbrella
11/26/2007		5:24:32 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		it will affect the rest as the impossible one tries to shelter the one who tries to step out
11/26/2007		5:24:34 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		the impossible one us the important one
11/26/2007		5:24:36 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		xP
11/26/2007		5:24:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nah
11/26/2007		5:24:47 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		*is
11/26/2007		5:24:47 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		not true
11/26/2007		5:24:50 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		is true
11/26/2007		5:25:25 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		rmb
11/26/2007		5:25:33 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		dun step out frm under the umbrella
11/26/2007		5:25:35 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for
11/26/2007		5:25:39 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		when u step out
11/26/2007		5:25:40 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		-steps out and runs-
11/26/2007		5:25:43 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ur affecting more then urself
11/26/2007		5:26:07 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		err -steps out and disappears from the impossible one's sight so that he won't chase-
11/26/2007		5:26:24 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		den u shall leave the rest to be damned
11/26/2007		5:26:28 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ah
11/26/2007		5:26:32 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		stop this cryptic talk
11/26/2007		5:26:34 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		haha
11/26/2007		5:26:35 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nvm
11/26/2007		5:26:36 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		haha
11/26/2007		5:26:37 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		dun run out
11/26/2007		5:26:38 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		grr
11/26/2007		5:26:39 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		trust me
11/26/2007		5:26:44 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i wanna run out
11/26/2007		5:26:49 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		not everyone can run out
11/26/2007		5:27:27 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		cos i don't wanna see the impossible one let the impossible dream remain impossible
11/26/2007		5:27:31 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and I can run out
11/26/2007		5:27:33 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		^^
11/26/2007		5:27:37 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		no u cant
11/26/2007		5:27:39 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		u will cry
11/26/2007		5:27:43 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		like the sky
11/26/2007		5:27:47 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and as the sky cries
11/26/2007		5:27:52 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		it pours on others
11/26/2007		5:28:03 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but isn't the sky already crying?
11/26/2007		5:28:05 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		no diff
11/26/2007		5:28:21 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and the impossible one is still holding the umbrella over the others
11/26/2007		5:29:09 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		den ur hurting the impossible one more
11/26/2007		5:29:12 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for the impossible one
11/26/2007		5:29:18 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		is not under the umbrella
11/26/2007		5:29:45 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but the impossible one is hurting me by saying that he will let the impossible dream remain impossible
11/26/2007		5:29:47 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		^^
11/26/2007		5:30:19 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		that is so as the impossible is afraid
11/26/2007		5:30:22 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		yes afraid>_<
11/26/2007		5:30:27 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		afraid that
11/26/2007		5:30:30 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		more hurt will come
11/26/2007		5:30:31 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ah
11/26/2007		5:30:31 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nvm
11/26/2007		5:30:38 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but everyone is afraid
11/26/2007		5:30:46 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		who isn't scared of pain?
11/26/2007		5:31:00 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		even those who embrace it willingly would rather embrace joy
11/26/2007		5:31:20 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		but there must always be someone to embrace pain
11/26/2007		5:31:22 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		willingly
11/26/2007		5:31:31 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		yea
11/26/2007		5:31:47 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		so i embrace the pain, that the impossible one will learn to accept his
11/26/2007		5:32:30 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		for even i fear the future, more so from the past hurts i've felt, and yet i wish not to let it stop me from moving forward
11/26/2007		5:33:59 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and thats what the impossible one is for
11/26/2007		5:34:05 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		to shelter u
11/26/2007		5:34:08 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		as u move forward
11/26/2007		5:34:11 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but by doing so
11/26/2007		5:34:12 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		so that the tears
11/26/2007		5:34:14 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		past shed
11/26/2007		5:34:18 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		shall not hit anymore
11/26/2007		5:34:29 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		the impossible one is not letting himself move forward
11/26/2007		5:34:35 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		i dun need
11/26/2007		5:34:49 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		to
11/26/2007		5:35:22 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		even the impossible one should not let his hurts continue hurting
11/26/2007		5:36:36 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one has nvr let his hurts hurt
11/26/2007		5:36:42 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for he knoes his place
11/26/2007		5:37:28 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but as a result of knowing his place, and not wanting to take a step out, he lets his dreams remain as just that. dreams.
11/26/2007		5:37:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the thing u fail to realise
11/26/2007		5:37:59 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		that he has no dreams
11/26/2007		5:38:02 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and that
11/26/2007		5:38:07 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		is the saddest thing
11/26/2007		5:38:38 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		which is why, i will run out from under the umbrella, for sometimes people need to be hurt for sense to be knocked into them
11/26/2007		5:38:50 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		even the impossible one
11/26/2007		5:39:15 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		like i told y
11/26/2007		5:39:27 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		told u*
11/26/2007		5:39:34 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one cannot be hurt
11/26/2007		5:40:00 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but he can feel pain, for the impossible one is not so impossible inside
11/26/2007		5:40:17 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		but he knoes
11/26/2007		5:40:30 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the important ones are all under the umbrella
11/26/2007		5:44:04 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i, no matter if im the most unimportant, shall still run out
11/26/2007		5:44:26 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		den
11/26/2007		5:44:36 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		knoe that the impossible will stay rooted
11/26/2007		5:45:05 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then, since the others are sheltered, its ok
11/26/2007		5:45:45 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i shall just stay out from under the umbrella, and think of ways to make the impossible one remember, that he is infact, human
11/26/2007		5:46:18 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		try as u may
11/26/2007		5:46:28 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible wishes so much to be a superman
11/26/2007		5:46:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		so that he will be a saviour
11/26/2007		5:46:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		to the important one who is lost
11/26/2007		5:47:22 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then i will cry, for loss of how to make him see, he's no superman
11/26/2007		5:49:01 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		den
11/26/2007		5:49:05 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one may
11/26/2007		5:49:08 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		stop wanting
11/26/2007		5:49:16 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		to make sure the important one stop crying
11/26/2007		5:49:24 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but
11/26/2007		5:49:28 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i will stop crying
11/26/2007		5:49:39 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and do something
11/26/2007		5:49:46 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		to let him see, he's no superman
11/26/2007		5:51:44 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		no
11/26/2007		5:51:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		theres no need
11/26/2007		5:51:54 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one
11/26/2007		5:52:09 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		has just realized sumthing new
11/26/2007		5:52:13 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		rmb
11/26/2007		5:52:15 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		its not learning
11/26/2007		5:52:18 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		its realizing
11/26/2007		5:52:31 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and what has the impossible one realised?
11/26/2007		5:52:52 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		that im no superman
11/26/2007		5:52:53 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and that
11/26/2007		5:52:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		he cannot
11/26/2007		5:53:00 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		stop everyone
11/26/2007		5:53:05 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		frm realising their dreams
11/26/2007		5:53:12 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		as much as he wants to stop his own
11/26/2007		5:53:24 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		even if one dreams that the impossible one will dream?
11/26/2007		5:53:41 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		yes
11/26/2007		5:53:44 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		u can try
11/26/2007		5:53:46 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		regardless
11/26/2007		5:53:57 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i thanks whoever it was that taught you that
11/26/2007		5:54:04 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		for that is at least 1 step forward
11/26/2007		5:54:39 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		eh
11/26/2007		5:54:40 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		rmb
11/26/2007		5:54:43 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		i dun learn
11/26/2007		5:54:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		i realize
11/26/2007		5:54:47 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		xD
11/26/2007		5:54:48 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		ok
11/26/2007		5:55:00 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		whoever helped the impossible one realise that
11/26/2007		5:55:01 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		haha
11/26/2007		5:55:09 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		help me thank him/her ^^
11/26/2007		5:55:30 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		thank urself
11/26/2007		5:56:16 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		=\
11/26/2007		5:56:37 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		oh really? =x
11/26/2007		5:56:47 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		yes
11/26/2007		5:56:50 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		no that
11/26/2007		5:56:59 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		knoe*
11/26/2007		5:57:06 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ur also sheltering ppl
11/26/2007		5:57:16 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		ahh i am?
11/26/2007		5:58:03 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i have no faith in myself, for my dream is to shake the unshakeable, and i might exhaust myself from that fight...how then, am i supposed to shelter people?
11/26/2007		5:59:17 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		u are sheltering ppl by shaking the unshakeable
11/26/2007		5:59:51 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		ahh...to hear that presents me newfound strength, for at least my attempts have touched one
11/26/2007		6:00:20 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and that is enough
11/26/2007		6:00:29 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		im honestly tired frm thinking in riddles
11/26/2007		6:00:30 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		xD
11/26/2007		6:00:32 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ok ok
11/26/2007		6:00:34 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		haha
11/26/2007		6:01:35 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		but always rmb
11/26/2007		6:01:47 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible one is always sheltering the important ones
11/26/2007		6:01:52 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		in anyway possible
11/26/2007		6:01:58 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		that he is possible of doinb
11/26/2007		6:02:00 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		doing*
11/26/2007		6:02:12 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		haha ok
11/26/2007		6:02:34 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i was serious abt the part of me not being a dependable shelterer
11/26/2007		6:02:38 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		xD
11/26/2007		6:02:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		thats fine
11/26/2007		6:03:00 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		thats why ur more important
11/26/2007		6:03:01 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		xD
11/26/2007		6:03:02 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		hahaha
11/26/2007		6:03:03 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		jack urself
11/26/2007		6:03:05 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		=x
11/26/2007		6:03:17 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i failed in my attempts to shake an unshakable person
11/26/2007		6:03:35 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and went into quite a slump, altho i didn't really show it infront of other ppl
11/26/2007		6:03:52 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		rmb
11/26/2007		6:03:59 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		what matter is the thought
11/26/2007		6:04:02 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for it is in the thoughts
11/26/2007		6:04:09 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		where u constantly hear the heartbeats
11/26/2007		6:04:34 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then maybe i should stop thinking, cos your heartbeat is getting deafening =x
11/26/2007		6:04:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		dun wry
11/26/2007		6:04:49 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		im deaf frm urs already
11/26/2007		6:05:11 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then i'll just have to stop my own heart from beating, so that you can hear again
11/26/2007		6:05:45 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nope
11/26/2007		6:05:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		all i need is ur heart beat
11/26/2007		6:06:31 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		but i rather you have dreams, than only hear my heartbeat
11/26/2007		6:07:01 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		isnt ur heartbeat
11/26/2007		6:07:03 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the dream
11/26/2007		6:07:06 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		>_<
11/26/2007		6:07:53 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then, i'd rather you don't hear it and make the dream possible
11/26/2007		6:08:07 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		rather than you hearing it and letting it remain impossible
11/26/2007		6:08:42 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ur doing enough to make it possible liao
11/26/2007		6:08:46 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		all
11/26/2007		6:08:49 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		that remains
11/26/2007		6:08:50 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		is
11/26/2007		6:08:51 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		me
11/26/2007		6:08:56 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nth else u can do liao
11/26/2007		6:09:06 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then
11/26/2007		6:09:30 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		maybe my tears will wake you up from the impossible dream, and allow you to see that its possible?
11/26/2007		6:09:31 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		=x
11/26/2007		6:11:12 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		=\
11/26/2007		6:11:13 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		dun
11/26/2007		6:11:17 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		if u do
11/26/2007		6:11:22 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		the impossible dream may become worse
11/26/2007		6:11:33 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and deja vu will occur
11/26/2007		6:11:37 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		and i will miss u
11/26/2007		6:12:09 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		then
11/26/2007		6:12:14 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i will hold back my tears
11/26/2007		6:12:55 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		den gd
11/26/2007		6:12:57 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		for time
11/26/2007		6:13:05 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		will tell the ending of the story
11/26/2007		6:13:11 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		whether the impossible dream
11/26/2007		6:13:13 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		turns
11/26/2007		6:13:14 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		possible
11/26/2007		6:13:21 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		i hope i can wait... =x and last
11/26/2007		6:15:15 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		i hope i can too
11/26/2007		6:15:53 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		im sure you can, as long as you can hear my heartbeat...
11/26/2007		6:16:01 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		oh wait i forgot you went deaf already
11/26/2007		6:16:02 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		=x
11/26/2007		6:16:09 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		nah
11/26/2007		6:16:19 PM		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		ur heart beat still reverberates in my ears
11/26/2007		6:16:39 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		and yours in mine xP
11/26/2007		6:17:02 PM		Ade- Deja Vu, all over again.		||δάяψ£ ©™|| cause less and affect less		ahh ok...this is getting too lovey...hahahah hahaha

And now...you're my impossible dream...

I love you...Now and forever.

The picture...that started it all...
The umbrella...
The conversation...that started it all...

Maybe...it should never have taken place...

Cos...It's hurting so many people...

And it's hurting you.

I.

Should just shut up.

Everything I say. Just goes wrong.

I shall try not to...talk anymore...

Tonight...will be...the last night...

The old me...would have said... "I grow new wings from this sadness."

The old...idealistic...me.

Who pictured the world...as such a perfect place...

Who saw the good...in everyone...

Who never thought...anything could hurt this much...

The new me...was cruelly dragged down to reality.

Still trying to see the good in people.

But knowing...that reality isn't as simple as my old ideals...

I should just...disappear.

Dinner- FAIL.

I couldn't eat again.

That's missing 3 meals today.

So hungry.

But no appetite...

Gonna try for durian and ice cream.

Last resort.

"But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

Even if you don't ever love me.

Even if you never return.

I'll be loving you.

And waiting.

I am emo. Muahaha.

I haven't eaten since lunch time. Yesterday.

And I'm hungry.

Starving.

But I still don't have an appetite.

The only thought running through my head.

I love. You.

More with each day, in fact.

Despite all the hurt.

I don't want to love anyone else?

I'm stupid. Haha.

Nice dream

Oh. But I have to say.

The dream. Was happy. (:

We were...happy.

We were...the way we were...Happy.

We did...the things we did...hug and all...

I miss. Your lips.

I miss. Your arms.

I miss. Your voice.

I miss. You smiling at me.

I miss. You 'eating' my mouth. >.<

I miss. You.

I love. You.

I will. Not. Cry.

Crap.

Don't cry.

God...always gives me these obscure answers.

I always get my hopes up.

And then everything comes crashing down again.

And I'm getting my hopes up again.

I should just...erase that dream.

Cos, it's making me remember...all the good times...

Physically and emotionally.

Things I never thought I'd do.

Watching a romantic movie for the sake of the company.

Hugging someone.

Telling someone I loved them.

And many many more, too personal to put here.

I love. You.

I.
Need.
To.
Get.
Drunk.

It'd be interesting to see what happens if I get drunk. xD

And they say a drunk person's words are often true?

I should get drunk in front of my friends, then get them to record what I say. xD

I need to numb it. Somehow.

Ahh...Finally woke up?

Kept waking up and going back to sleep...

I faintly remember my dad coming in at 10 something to wake me up? >.<

My eyes feel so tired.

I cried more last night than I cried for 2 days of the whole of last week.

Sigh.

And then.

I had a dream.

Where we were all okay.

And everyone was smiling.

And I woke up.

And I was crying.

I love you. All of you. White, Black and Gray. Whether you've changed or stay the same. I love you.

Just
Kill
Me.

Why.
You snatched away my heart.
And then, when I ask for answers.
You leave me dry and hanging.

Why God.

Why so cruel?

Why me?

I'm not strong enough...

And I just keep hurting people.

I'm not strong enough.

Just
Kill
Me

A badly written supposed to be poem

People walking past
Moving so very fast
While I stand here lost
I'll probably finish last.

The world is moving all around me.
But here is where I stand.
I've lost the will to go on.
It's all I can do to smile.

I'm trying to write a poem.
But my writing fails me now.
Just when I needed to express myself.
It had to go and burrow into the ground.

I'm thankful for everyone around me.
For giving me so much support.
But there's something missing within me.
That leaves me hanging, dry and empty.

I.
Love.
You.

And I sit here.

Wide awake.

Face tear stained.

Heart broken.

The tears keep falling.

They just don't stop.

And I cry and cry and cry.

And I ask.

Why I have to love someone.

Who likes someone else.

Why me?

Why did I have to be the mould.

Why me?

I'm too weak...

And then, my mind is blank.

And the only thought running through my head is

I love you.

And then, the tears fall somemore.

And I still think how much I love you.

But another thought has intruded.

The thought is

Just let me die...

I don't want to live anymore...

Day in, day out, I cry.

I ask why me.

I love you, but see only your back.

The eagle watched the guardian angel from afar, and tears ran down her face.

The eagle wished the ground would just open up and swallow her up.

She couldn't take it anymore.

For she loved the guardian angel so.

I love you more than I've ever loved anyone.

I've trusted you more than I've ever trusted anyone.

I loved you with my all.

And now, I'm dead.

And yet, somehow...

I find that I still have something to love you with.

You were...

So cold...

But thanks...

For offering...

To send me...

back home...

Even though...

It felt like...

You didn't...

Want to...

I love you. Black, white, gray.

I'm such a weakling.

I shouldn't have gone...

I couldn't hold back the tears...

I wish I could get amnesia...

I wish I could die...

I wish I could wake up, and all this was nothing but a nightmare.

I wish...I could run away...

Just...not go...

But...I'll do it...I'll plaster a smile to my face...create a dam to hold back the tears...

And after it's all over...

I'll come home...

Throw myself onto my bed...

And cry.

What should you love someone for?

Previously, if someone had asked me what I loved about the person I loved, or what you should love the person for, I would have said, "Love the person for who he/she is, not what he/she has or can become."

But, recent events have got me thinking. Is that really love?

If you can't accept the person's past.

If you can't accept the person when he/she changes?

And when he/she changes, are you going to just stop loving them?

To walk out on someone, just because he/she changed. Is that really love?

Isn't love...acceptance?

God loves us all for the sinners we are, for the mistakes he knows we will make.

And what about why you love the person? Because of his looks and all?

So, the next time someone asks me "Why do you love him?" I'm going to say, "I don't know, ask my heart."

And when someone asks "What do you love him for?" I'm going to say "Nothing. And everything."

I love you. White, black and gray.

250HDD.

2.50ghz.

Nvida Geforce 8400M gs GFX.

7 hours battery life.

2gig upgradable to 4gb ram.

1.75kg.

Vaio.

Mine if daddy closes the deal.

Yay.

If only I was really happy...

If only I had someone to squeal this to.

If only I had someone who'd laugh at me and congratulate me.

If only I had someone to share the coolness of a vaio with.

My heart feels so empty...My tears fall.

But it's just tears.

So what if I cry everyday?

It's just tears...Not as if I cut myself.

It's just tears.

And I realised how much I meant it.

I was talking to YX.

A flood of words came out.

Words that I had been playing around with, but wasn't sure I really meant.

Until I said them.

Then I saw how much I meant them.

For even if I had known I would be hurt this way.

I wouldn't have chosen not falling in love with Daryl, had I been given the choice.

Because, those 5 months were the happiest of my life.

And I'd sooner die than give up the chance for something like that.

Even if it comes with the hurt.

I guess this is what they mean when they say "It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all."

Words cannot fully convey the meaning behind that phrase.

You cannot fully comprehend until you've felt something like this before.

It is an enigma.

Mysterious, until you touch it.

And then you marvel at how simple it all is.

Unlike the complex explanations people like to come up with.

I love you.

Just...kill me...

Let me die...

The eagle already lost her will...

If only she'd hurry up and die.

My hair is getting longer and longer.

Something I've wanted to clarify for awhile now.

I'm letting my hair grow not cos I'm trying to change myself physically.

You obviously didn't read properly.

My hair is growing longer.

My tears have run dry. Literally.

My sadness is worse than before, and I can't even cry it out now.

You said you returned, but you seem the same as before you went. Cold. Just what did you think of? How much you want her? You don't seem to have changed much action and treatment wise.

I overslept for camp today.

I gotta drag myself out.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm gonna cry. Dry crying.

And as the eagle watched the guardian angel keeping his distance, her eyes were sad. For even though it looked like he had returned, it still felt cold.

Cold, silent and empty.

The eagle called to the skies, asking whoever it was who made her to take her back.
For after the initial joy had passed from seeing him return,
The cold came back.

For he wasn't really back. Nowhere near as warm and caring as he had been before. She wasn't even thinking of it in terms of how it had been before, when he had loved her. She was thinking of it in terms of how he treated his friends. And he was cold, even if only to her.

The eagle felt like she was nothing to him.

He was cold. So cold.

"Well too bad" A cold line he had never said before, not even to friends.

And the eagle knew he hadn't truly returned.

For this wasn't the real guardian angel.

This wasn't who he really was.

He had changed...So much.

But the eagle knew that the real him was in there somewhere, and wondered...would her death bring him back?

And it was cold.

And all will was lost once more.

And the eagle slowly died.

Words can run out

Rachel was right...

I've said so much, cried so much, that I've run out of things to say. My heart tears, my eyes water, but there's no tears coming out. The sensation is exactly the same, just not as wet.

I think my tears ran out too. They ran out before my sadness did.

Will my sadness every run out?

I guess, at the end of it all...all I have to say is...

I love you.

Damn...those three words just don't cut it.

What can I say? Higher than the highest mountain? Deeper than the sea?

Well, I guess the fact that I still love you after all that has happened says it enough.

So insufficient, but they're all I have.

I love you.

Got this off someone's blog

I never could`ve seen this far,
I never could`ve seen this coming,
It seems like my world`s falling apart,
Why is everything so hard.

Without you I just can`t find my way,
I think I need a miracle to make it through,
I wish that I could turn back time,
I wish that everything just went on fine,

I don`t know where I should go,
I`m still here waiting for you,
I`m lost when you`re not around.

I need to hold on to you,
I just can`t let you go.

When she said your words reminded her of him, you told me you were different. But looks like I feel the same as she does right now. Maybe worse. Because your words ripped out my heart.

But I still love you.

Sigh...

I'm glad Joji's feeling better, at least emotionally. Get better soon!

Um...I finally got my specs?

My degree went down again. =\

The machine took my degree as 200 plus.

The manual test showed it was like...100 plus, the same as the time I went to the Toa Payoh one.

And it had actually increased between the period.

My degree is so erratic.

For those who didn't know, it broke. -.-"

I got two.

I'll surprise you guys with the colors.

I saw a vaio.

It was tiny.

It was light.

It has 12 hours battery life.

1.17 kg.

It has 48GB flash memory.

I like.

Mum said she'll call sony from her school and see if she can get a better price.

3699 at Harvey Norman. Expensive.

But if I had to choose all these luxuries in this world, or for things to go back to the way they were, I'd choose for things to go back the way they were...

I don't mind living for only a day.

I just want things back to the way they were.

That's how much it means to me.

I'd give my life for a second of things back the way they were.

Make that a split second.

I love you.

And the guardian angel returned, but only to talk.
The eagle called out weakly, but the guardian angel stayed his distance.
And the eagle cried, cried tears of joy that the guardian angel had at least returned.
But the sight of the angel keeping his distance only served to leave her heart broken.
For still he was leaving.

But the eagle was thankful that the guardian angel had come back for a final visit,
Before she slowly died.

School, work, home, cry, sleep. Eat more when I actually have an appetite. Cry somemore. Sleep.

It's settling into a routine.

The sun is rising.
Another day is coming.
Without me feeling your being.
My heart feeling nothing.

Shattered hopes, broken dreams
standing in here, scorched by the flames
Sitting, wishing I was lame.
Lying, wanting it to just go away.

The eagle waited to die.
For her heart was already dead.
Too upset to do anything, too upset to eat.
No matter how those brave souls tried to comfort her.
The eagle's heart remained broken.
And the eagle slowly died.

Eyes on me

First and foremost. I decided my blog needed an overhaul, so I changed the title. I changed my blog song. To a beautiful piece by Nobuo Uematsu.

Its title is "Cloud Smiles", and for those who play FFVII, we all know how much it takes for him to smile.

It is a rather sad piece, despite its title...

But it suits Cloud so well. A beautiful song, to describe the beauty when he first smiles.

Starting so sad, like Cloud. Silent and guilty.

Breaking into the lighter bridge.

And his silence still remains, partly.

It fits Cloud.

But it also fits how I'm feeling right now. Except the lighthearted parts are all a front.

Anyway, back to the original inspiration for this post.

Eyes on me.

Listening to the MP3 on my phone.

Then this song played.

And I couldn't hold back my tears.

And I started crying on the bus.

This song. The song you sang to me that night, to cheer me up when Jason was angry with me.

The song that I loved so much.

That I was so touched to hear you singing for me, that I cried even more.

All the care then...gone...

But the love still remains, even if only in my heart.

Finally, a short story.

There was once an eagle. An eagle who flew high, who soared higher than any eagle had soared before.

And that eagle had a guardian angel. And because of that guardian angel's love, the eagle could keep flying. No matter what sticks, stones, cannons, whatever was thrown her way, the eagle could keep flying.

Because the guardian angel gave her strength. Because the guardian angel protected her.

Because the guardian angel loved her.

Then, one day, the guardian angel just left.

And the eagle called and called, but her guardian angel didn't come back.

And the eagle lost the will to fly.

She plummeted to the ground.

Unluckily, or luckily, she landed in some bushes, and didn't lose her life. But her wings were broken.

So the eagle crawled out of the bushes, calling out miserably.

And all the animals ran from her. Rabbits, Mice, all ran. After all, she was powerful. She was a predator.

A brave soul approached, offering the eagle some fruit.

When the eagle did not eat that brave soul, more came.

Soon, the eagle had a whole pile of fruit, and worms, and some carcasses in front of her.

But the eagle was too upset to eat.

And the eagle slowly died.

Holy Darkness. In a different context this time.

When I blogged about this song and how nice it was a year ago, I never thought the day would come when I would see it in this context.

Refrain
Holy darkness, blessed night,
heaven's answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
we embrace your holy night.

1. I have tried you in fires of affliction;
I have taught your soul to grieve.
In the barren soil of your loneliness,
there I will plant my seed.

2. I have taught you the price of compassion;
you have stood before the grave.
Though my love can seem
like a raging storm,
this is the love that saves.

3. Were you there
when I raised up the mountains?
Can you guide the morning star?
Does the hawk take flight
when you give command?
Why do you doubt my pow'r?

4. In your deepest hour of darkness
I will give you wealth untold.
When the silence stills your spirit,
will my riches fill your soul.

5. As the watchman waits for morning,
and the bride awaits her groom,
so we wait to hear your footsteps
as we rest beneath your moon.

I shall not place my interpretation here. Its too emotional. I'm tearing just thinking of it.

Those who know me, and know how I'm feeling, will be able to get a rough idea.

I love you. Much as it hurts.

And it hurts even more, that you just liked her with a snap of your fingers.

And that you are just so desperate to get together with her.

To lie.

To not pay heed to her words.

That you are so desperate.

And then you wonder why there are rumors.

Because you are so wrapped up in your own world.

You do not see how you are hurting the people around you.

Because you are obsessed. Infatuated.

Cos love isn't this way...

And it hurts to see you this way.

Cos I know this isn't the real you.

And I read those letters you wrote in Italy, the Christmas one. And I find it hard to believe that you've forgotten those feelings with just a snap of your fingers. I find it hard to believe what you said that perhaps you didn't mean it.

I know you meant it.

It's inside, somewhere.

You're not that heartless.

You've just lost yourself.

And I've lost you. And losing you,

I've lost me.

Cos my heart was given to you.

I've lost you and me.

But I still love with whatever's left within me. Beyond that even.

Because, you are my one and only.

Through it all

No matter if you don't mean it, or never meant it.

No matter what, I mean it.

No matter how you push me away.

No matter how much you change.

No matter what you become.

No matter what, I will always love you.

You can hate me.

You can say you didn't mean a thing.

You can hurt me.

You can kill me.

I'll still love you.

Sure, I'll cry.

Sure, I'll feel like dying.

But no matter how bad things get.

I will still love you.

Because, I meant it when I said, "Through it all. Thick and thin. I do."

Through thick and through thin
Whether losing or win.
Without or within.
Bleeding or smiling.
Happy or tearing.
Trying or buying.
Loving or hating.
Cruel or Kind.
I will always love you.

Cut me or hit me.
Hate me or love me.
Hurt me or kill me.
I will always love thee.

Bleeding, empty.
I still love you.
Broken, teary.
I still love you.

Stabbed, shoved.
Hated, unmoved.
Turned around suddenly.
World ripped out from under me.

But I still love you.

I want to sleep

Forever...and ever...

And maybe the silence will help everyone feel better...

And I could stop crying...

And die loving you.

I love you.

Maybe that'll touch your cold heart now...warm it up...so you can really love...

And I could die loving you.

And end the tears.

I just wish things were how they were before...

But they aren't...

So I pray to God to take me home...

So that I will cry no more...

And die loving you.

WAAAAAH

GROUP MEMBERS WHERE ARE YOUUUU?!

I don't know if I did an alright job, considering how crappy and moodless I'm feeling now...

HELP!

Emotionally unready.

I was supposed to go for camp preparation today, since I am helping out at confirmation camp.

I woke up in the morning, didn't feel up for it.

Crap, I didn't even feel up for the camp.

But I decided to wait, and see how I felt.

And I gave up, and smsed Trisha telling her I wasn't in the right emotional state.

I just hope I can find a way to ignore everything at least over the camp.

I think the camp is going to be an emotional one for me.

I wonder how much more I'll cry.

And when I got home...

I was so glad. I walked up to my room, dumped my stuff, and buried my head in the pillow.

And the tears I'd been holding in all day long, finally came out.

And I asked why.

And I cried.

Like a fool, I cry for you. Despite all you have done, what you have become.

Because, like a fool,

I'm helplessly in love with you.

Living in a world of deception

What to believe, what not to believe?

Who knows...

I had a dream

It was a beautiful dream. For a short hour of my life, everything was alright. Everything became alright.

And then I woke up.

And the first thing I did wasn't to cry. It was to laugh. Laugh at how unbelievable the whole thing was, how some things would have never ended up that way.

Was it a sign from God or just something I wished for so badly I dreamed of it?

Then how do you explain why I didn't have it the days before?

I don't know. I might never know.

All I know is that I love you.

And then, on the car...An incident took place that got me thinking.

My mum was giving instructions to my sister softly, my sister accused her of shouting cos she said she had jumped. My mother started crying, and then it turned into a shouting match.

So...perhaps my unreasonable mummy...has just been a facade...to protect herself...like so many facades in the world.

Whatever the world throws at me, I will take.

So easy to say, so hard to do.

And in front of all my readers today, I have decided to make a vow. I vow to leave my hair, until the day everything is ok. When I say that, I mean the day I can smile truly again. So, I'd either have let go, or had my greatest wish fulfilled.

I will not cut my hair until that day.

This is the mark of how determined I am, how much you mean to me.

I just want to see you happy.

I love you.

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

Random Kendo stuff!

So, being bored and emo like I am, I have decided to kill some time...PREEEEESENTING! KENDO STUFFS! Fashion show. (:

My stuff cam whore but I don't. ;)

My very first Shinai Bag, with the Shinai inside so it stands straight and tall. My chinese sucks, but I think the three words are read "Bu Dong Xin" in Chinese...In Jap? Well...errr... xD

Did I mention I hate the flower base? =x *Change topic*
THE STUPID RED INSIDE OF THE BAG. xD (You'll see why.) And yes, that's an owl you see. I didn't like the flower ones.

By the way, my mum's camera sucks. It says "Picture is blurred" for fine ones, and ignores screwed up ones like this.
Umm...My darling Shinai. Which got turned PINK by the stupid red inside of the first bag.
Even more pink. T.T By the way, the string you see going down the Shinai...Well, besides holding everything together, it also tells us that that would be the back if we were holding a real katana.

Try smacking string on string. COMMON SENSE DUH. xD
My slick new leather Shinai bag, which has an AWESOME STRAP SO I CAN CARRY IT ON MY SHOULDER! Plus, no more tying strings. AND NO MORE STUPID RED INSIDE! xD
The awesome useless straps hanging around, and the shoulder strap over there. xD I need to hang some keychains over there! The useless one that is.

That's it! =D

Kendo is awesome.

I miss you. I love you.

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

And the tears come down unbidden

I don't want you to split ways with us...

I tried to be strong, but I can't...

I'd rather you always treat me as a friend, no chance of anything else, then let you go your own way for that tiny chance.

I wanna be able to talk to you.

I wanna be able to hear you laugh.

I wanna be able to love you, even if you don't return it.

I wanna be able to see you smile.

But I wanna respect your choice too.

But the tears...they're just coming down.

God...please bring him back soon...safely...happy...

The prodigal son

"For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!"

You remember your promise.

Take care.

We'll all be waiting for you.

My heart will always wait for you.

It feels good to part without hatred.

T.T

You accused me of so many things that you think to be truth.

Just think carefully Daryl. Think of how you've distorted the facts.

You don't even let me try to explain.

You said you told me all this. The fact of the matter? You didn't, not all. You just have been wrapped up in your mindset that everything is my fault.

You said you had to kowtow every week. It was a one off Daryl. A freaking one off. That only occurred because you forgot what I had told you made me upset in the first place. Of course, it was my fault that I had taken so long to budge. But it was a one off. Not every week.

You said we'd been fighting for about a month, 2-3 times every week. That is just untrue.

And I wasn't really insecure about everything. It was only choir remember? I only became super insecure after you told me you couldn't care anymore. Anyone would become insecure man...

So that's what has been draining you emotionally. Yourself. Your own distortion of the facts that you believe to be true.

So that's what caused the break up. Lying to yourself. And some honest mistakes on my part that I admit I made. But so much of your anger and hatred stems from the lies.

I'm upset.

I love you.

Why do I love you, even after knowing all this?

Why am I such a fool?

And here's an extra note. Open your eyes to the people around you. You'll see something.

I love you.

And when I heard this song, I was struck at how apt it was at describing what I feel now.

You have a way of coming easily to me.
And when you take, you take the very best of me.
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and washed them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You never did give a damn thing, honey.
But I cried, cried for you.
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you.
(Died for you)

Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending.
Counted all the scars you made.
Now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you

I don't care if you're the coldest person to be around. I love you.

You gave me so much, but now its cold.

I want to be with you. But you don't let me in.

You've changed. Warm and fuzzy to cold and silent.

But I still love you.

Loving and emoing.

-Ade-

Secrets

Secrets kill a relationship. I swear.

The root cause of a split is often miscommunication, untold stuff.

But friends keep secrets. So, when at such a decision, what do you say?

Well, I agree with what Joji did. Not tell. It's the person's secret to tell, not anyone elses.

But still...my heart yearns to know the reasons that might have caused part of the hurt.

I love you.

More posts

I see myself now, and I like the me before the 5 months better. When I was independent, happy, unhurt.

But, I do like myself now too. I've grown from all this.

But I'm still wishing for...

And if I had to choose whether to have the 5 months all over again, whether I'd go through it, my answer would be yes.

I would get hurt all over again. Because I love you, I don't mind being hurt by you.

I still love you, stupid as it may be.

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

I miss you, come home soon.

I miss you Daryl. I miss the real you. Come home soon.

And you know, I'm not the only one to pray for God to take my life. Tobit and Sarah did too. Forgot where, page 465 of my bible. xD

And God didn't kill them. He was with them. He helped them out of their slump. He gave Tobit his sight, gave Sarah a husband who lived past their first night together.

I love God. How could I ever have hated him?

The devil works in tricky ways. He toys with us, in an attempt to hurt us, bring us further from God.

When did the devil come in, Daryl?

I guess it was when we started fighting. For the devil is strong where there is hate, anger and sorrow...

But God is stronger.

Just let him into your life...

The devil's been taking us for fools, tossing us around like you would toss a fruit.

I guess he first came in when we started our fights. Caused all these tears. Caused all the hurt.

I'm sorry I hurt you Joji.

I'm sorry...you're sorry too...lets just forget the apologies and move on. (:

I miss you. Come home soon...

I think...I will go pray the prayer for travelers now.

God...bring him safely back to me...to us...

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

Some people are just not worth saving?

I can't say I agree with that statement. Even if they're "chicken shit (HAHA MARION. XD), no matter if they're jerks, bastards, bitches, sluts, they are all worth saving.

Life is important. I lost sight of that.

God loves us all, no matter what we do, and he sacrificed his son for ALL of us.

He didn't discriminate, "YOU SINNER! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE SAVED." or, "YOU KILL MY SON, I DON'T SAVE YOU."

God doesn't do that.

So why can't we, as humans, forgive the petty crimes?

And when it seems that you can't do anything for that person. Pray. Pray for him/her.

I'm praying for you. That God will give you your sight like he did to Tobit.

Because, you have really changed. Changed for the worse.

So unreasonable, so obsessed, so blind. So cold. So cruel.

But that's not who you are. The real Daryl is kind. Caring. Patient. Warm. Loving. Someone who gave me so much joy. Nothing like who he is now.

I miss you, come home soon...

After even more thought...

I still love you. It's not the memories I hold dear. Its you. I still love you, despite all you've done, how you've changed. I'm willing to accept you wholly. Stupid or not? Up to you to decide.

On another note. Serjia was talking about how Job lost everything, and then God gave it back twicefold right?

I thought of something funny. xD

2 times the wives= 2 times the nagging.

Poor Job. xDDD

And yet another thing.

Only cowards trying to escape a fact they cannot avoid block people. Only people with something to hide block people. Only people who dare not see the truth block people. Which are you?

I block my sis cos I couldn't have her seeing my nicks. xDDD

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

Where am I heading?

What the heck just happened? I went to sleep, full of hope and so much stronger.

And when I woke up, it was all gone. The tears came back.

But, I realised something.

What I can't let go of are the memories.

And I still associate the memories with him, I refuse to admit that he's changed.

And really. He has.

"I guess I'm still young." Ha! That line you said when you broke up with me was so damn funny. You know why? That was barely 2 days ago. Guess what man. You're still young. You felt like you loved me so much man. And you still were fickle of heart. I don't see this going anywhere good, but I'll be praying. Praying that no one gets hurt.

When I imagine...you two...doing the things we used to do...The tears come back unwanted.

It was all taken away from me in the blink of an eye. Given to someone else.

I'm amazed that your heart can be given away that easily...

Now, let's see what a good girlfriend does. Besides the love and all that.

Firstly, when you KNOW that your boyfriend is going on the wrong path, you know what you say?

You definitely don't say, "He's being unreasonable, that's true." Well, at least you admitted it. But what about when you say, "It's not my problem! I'm staying out of this..."

PLEASE. You know that he is unreasonable and you don't do a thing about this? Dismiss it as not your problem and conveniently ignore it?

He is hurting other people man. Don't be so selfish.

Think of it this way. Even if you hate the person who's being hurt like shit, even if you think they are a bitch or bastard, DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR BOYFRIEND TO MAKE THE MISTAKE THAT YOU KNOW GOD WON'T LIKE?

I guess I fulfilled this point to the best of my ability. When he picked a fight with Elphin cos of some mis-said words, I told him to stop fighting because of me. And guess what? I wasn't his girlfriend at that time? XD

Another thing a girlfriend does not do, is hurt others, and then act like she's the ONLY one who has been hurt. Now, that's just not nice.

I guess I did that. Oh well. I'm a failure as a girlfriend then.

Oh well. Whatever it is, I'll be praying. That no one gets hurt. That your blind eyes may see, that you may go back to the kind person you were before I hurt you unwittingly.

The paragraph before this was just confusing, like I was talking to a thousand people at once. xD Ok, fine, it just felt like what it was. Talking to two.

I really don't see how asking someone to give me sometime, and stay as friends with him is hurting? I mean, think of it this way. He just broke up with me. Do you seriously want to jump into another relationship with him? Sure you don't wanna give it some thought? It has been what. 2 days. A day then. XD

Sigh...Life is so confusing.

A note to all readers, only 2 or 3 paragraphs of this is dedicated to people. The rest, esp some in the what a girlfriend should do list, well, all self reflection actually. Some instigated some not. (:

I haven't been all that great. But nobody's perfect.

Neither are you. Or you. Or you. Or you. I can go on for a million billion yous. Cos fact of life is, NO ONE IS PERFECT.

1 week of arguments, 5 months of love. Which would you wanna focus on?

People just like focusing on the bad things.

WOO! NEXT JOURNAL ENTRY FOUND! =D

I love you, you love me, we are happy family...

If only life were that perfect, Barney...if only...

I will be praying. For myself. For you. For you. For you. For everyone I care about. For the strangers I have yet to know.

God, open our eyes that we may see your light. Open our hearts that we may hear the cries of others' hearts. Open our tongue that we may speak only words that are not hurtful, and words pleasing to your ear. Open our mouth, that we may proclaim your goodness to the world. Open our ears, that we be discerning in what we hear. Open our minds, Lord, that we may be thoughtful of the consequences of the future.

I wonder how long all this will last...I want to move on, leave you two be, truly give you two my blessings.

And if this post struck the sore points of anyone, I guess it just means
1. Guilty
2. Acknowledgement
3. Understanding
4. Acceptance

Oh...acceptance looks so out of place there. >.< Haha

>_____< Is supposed to look guilty? Looks like a happy person acting guilty to me. Emoticon, oh emoticon. Why art thou face so confusing, that when I look upon it, I am lost in false emotion?

Amazing what a few lines can do.
>_<
Vs.
>___________<

Another journal entry! I like! Hope the ideas keep pouring in.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I got a speech to prepare for. Feel so unprepared. >.< LOL.

I pray that I switch into my "Ad libbing genius impromptu perfectus" when I go in front of the class.

Ahaha. That's just crap. xD

I am the mould. >.< I guess that's what I get for telling God to use me as he will. xD

Lord, use me as you will. But keep me strong, for my shortcomings are many, and my strengths few.

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

PS: STUPID BLOGGER IS SCREWING UP MY ENTRY, BUNCHING PARAGRAPHS TOGETHER AND TAKING OUT WORDS! T.T

To Joji

I'm not pretty! You're the pretty one! You and Shayne and Rachel!

Updatesss

SPAM. RANDOM SPAM.

I love Kendo.

And I still love Daryl even if he doesn't love me. Even if all he feels is indifference.

I love Kendo. No really. xD

Ja'ne!

-Ade-

Thanks for the chance...

I'm still scared...

I DON'T WANNA BATHE. DETTOL STINGS!