Haha! My blog has more and more lyrics every day...RARR. Now, is that a good or bad thing?
Oh well...its all good. Nice music. Xp
On another, equally random note, should I join Nanowrimo this year? What with agreeing to help one of my friend's friend with english, and O's cutting into the month of november, and all the paegant practices that are going to be on, its gonna be a tight schedule.
November starts tomorrow, and I haven't even decided on a theme IF I'm gonna join Nano this year. Dang.
For all who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, Nanowrimo is a challange to writers. "Complete a 50,000 word Novel in the month of November." Grammar, story value, its all up to you. They just want to count the words. And that's where the biggest challange comes in. Will you choose to write a crappy story just for the sake of the word count? No prizes are given even if you win, so why torture yourself like that?
Because it's fun! ^^ You may think I'm mad, and perhaps I am. Mad about writing.
To those who are interested, here's the webbie:
www.nanowrimo.org
That should do it. Now, back to my contemplation of whether or not to join this year.
The challanging schedule I'm gonna have is SO appealing. It'll be so fun (as well as stressful) to try and reach the word count by the end of the month.
Rarr...
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Thanks!
Yes, that was a random emo post. And this is an equally random thank you post.
Thanks Teddy Bear! Just the fact that you were willing to listen helped a lot! A LOT!
Thanks Avril! For listening so sweetly, and giving me your thoughts and advice! -hugs-
Thanks gor! For encouraging me!
And thanks to the thrashtalk crew! You guys made me laugh! It helped loads!
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Thanks Teddy Bear! Just the fact that you were willing to listen helped a lot! A LOT!
Thanks Avril! For listening so sweetly, and giving me your thoughts and advice! -hugs-
Thanks gor! For encouraging me!
And thanks to the thrashtalk crew! You guys made me laugh! It helped loads!
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
I couldn't answer
I had a dream. I dreamed I was dead. And when I went up to heaven, the Lord asked me if I had lived a life with no regrets.
I couldn't answer.
He asked if I had lived a fulfilling life, and if I had managed to touch anyone's lives.
I couldn't answer.
He asked, if I had managed to forgive everyone who might have ever have irritated me.
I couldn't answer.
He shook his head sadly, and asked, "Then, my child, did you manage to forgive yourself?"
I stared at him. And stared. And the tears started to fall.
I couldn't answer him.
That heart of mine, so full of anger, self-hatred, and selfish thoughts. And I had to open it up and show it to him. I couldn't bear it. I had taken every single one of his expectations and thrown them to the ground, ground them in. How was it that I could still face him?
I hadn't used the gifts he had given me. I was like the servant who hid his master's talents into the ground, and when his master returned, gave the talents back saying "Here it is. I didn't spend it or take a piece from it."
What right did I have to talk to him?
I couldn't answer.
But it was too late. I was dead. And I couldn't turn back time. I regreted my life. And I cried.
"If only I had told my mum how much it hurt."
"If only I had told him how much he meant to me."
"If only I could have forgiven them."
"If only I could forgive myself."
And as I stood there, I stared at him. And I wept.
I found myself trembling. I was afraid. So afraid.
I didn't want to be thrown into eternal suffering.
And so I cried. The tears which had refused to be shed when I was alive fell now that I was dead.
And then he asked, "Do you think you deserve to enter these gates of heaven?"
And I couldn't answer.
No. This isn't a real dream. Was just feeling depressed, so I decided to write this random emo story. But, the fears in there are real. Well, mostly.
He asked me if I had given love.
And I couldn't answer.
I couldn't answer.
He asked if I had lived a fulfilling life, and if I had managed to touch anyone's lives.
I couldn't answer.
He asked, if I had managed to forgive everyone who might have ever have irritated me.
I couldn't answer.
He shook his head sadly, and asked, "Then, my child, did you manage to forgive yourself?"
I stared at him. And stared. And the tears started to fall.
I couldn't answer him.
That heart of mine, so full of anger, self-hatred, and selfish thoughts. And I had to open it up and show it to him. I couldn't bear it. I had taken every single one of his expectations and thrown them to the ground, ground them in. How was it that I could still face him?
I hadn't used the gifts he had given me. I was like the servant who hid his master's talents into the ground, and when his master returned, gave the talents back saying "Here it is. I didn't spend it or take a piece from it."
What right did I have to talk to him?
I couldn't answer.
But it was too late. I was dead. And I couldn't turn back time. I regreted my life. And I cried.
"If only I had told my mum how much it hurt."
"If only I had told him how much he meant to me."
"If only I could have forgiven them."
"If only I could forgive myself."
And as I stood there, I stared at him. And I wept.
I found myself trembling. I was afraid. So afraid.
I didn't want to be thrown into eternal suffering.
And so I cried. The tears which had refused to be shed when I was alive fell now that I was dead.
And then he asked, "Do you think you deserve to enter these gates of heaven?"
And I couldn't answer.
No. This isn't a real dream. Was just feeling depressed, so I decided to write this random emo story. But, the fears in there are real. Well, mostly.
He asked me if I had given love.
And I couldn't answer.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Strength comes from...genes?!
Ok. I'm guessing most you guys reading this went, "WHAT THE HELL?!" at the title. But that IS the main topic.
Was talking to my Dad over dinner just now, and he was saying something about how my grandma is old and sickly, and how she makes life difficult for the people around her. So I added that my mom probably got her tyrannical mood swings from my grandma. (Those of you who know me probably know what I'm talking about.) Anyway, I added that it had been passed from mother to daughter not once, but twice. From grandma to mom, from mom to sis.
"Thank goodness I'm the younger kid, so my sis took all the grumpy genes." LOLZ
Dad said maybe I got the grumpy genes too, so I said "Nah. I'm more like you."
Hot-tempered for sure, but not petty as well. I can forget why I blow up most of the time. Except in certain circumstances, that is. Anyway, my dad told me about how his mom, (who died when I was about 2 years of age) was very sick but never complained, and how she suffered in silence instead of making a big fuss. She was indeed a very strong woman, who brought up a whole gaggle of children on her own.
My dad, like her, is strong of heart. And I am glad to say that I inherited that quality from him! Those of you who have heard me share about how bad my mum can get and how unreasonable she is would understand what I mean. I guess most normal people would already have turned to drugs if they were in my shoes?
Then again, I probably would not have made it this far if not for the support of my friends. They gave me strength to carry on when I was at my weakest, and those who are really close to me have even seen my tears when I felt like I could go no further, and when I most felt like giving up.
Thanks to all of you guys!
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Was talking to my Dad over dinner just now, and he was saying something about how my grandma is old and sickly, and how she makes life difficult for the people around her. So I added that my mom probably got her tyrannical mood swings from my grandma. (Those of you who know me probably know what I'm talking about.) Anyway, I added that it had been passed from mother to daughter not once, but twice. From grandma to mom, from mom to sis.
"Thank goodness I'm the younger kid, so my sis took all the grumpy genes." LOLZ
Dad said maybe I got the grumpy genes too, so I said "Nah. I'm more like you."
Hot-tempered for sure, but not petty as well. I can forget why I blow up most of the time. Except in certain circumstances, that is. Anyway, my dad told me about how his mom, (who died when I was about 2 years of age) was very sick but never complained, and how she suffered in silence instead of making a big fuss. She was indeed a very strong woman, who brought up a whole gaggle of children on her own.
My dad, like her, is strong of heart. And I am glad to say that I inherited that quality from him! Those of you who have heard me share about how bad my mum can get and how unreasonable she is would understand what I mean. I guess most normal people would already have turned to drugs if they were in my shoes?
Then again, I probably would not have made it this far if not for the support of my friends. They gave me strength to carry on when I was at my weakest, and those who are really close to me have even seen my tears when I felt like I could go no further, and when I most felt like giving up.
Thanks to all of you guys!
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Saturday, October 20, 2007
True Love
Hmm...Well, was chatting with a couple of people, and somehow, this became the main topic.
"Do you think True Love exists?" (Between People)
From there, quite obviously, the conversation went two ways. The believers and the non-believers. And my answer to that question showed me how much my thinking had changed.
In the past, my answer would probably have been "YES! I believe that there is such a thing."
But perhaps that was never my honest opinion, right from the start.
However, what Jason and I said was this:
True Love does not exist. (SHOCK. I know some of you will be shocked that I had this reply. XP But wait. It goes deeper.)
Our reasoning was that since humans are imperfect, human love is flawed, and that true love needed to be flawless, so true love does not exist. Perhaps the only being that has true love is God. More on this later.
So then, the opposition (haha) YiLin and Elphin, said that True Love did not have to be flawless, as when both people in a relationship are able to believe in it, and imagine it, it will come true in the couple's heart eventually. In Elphin's words, "The definition of true love is only between the couple."
Well, it all rests on what your definition of True Love is right?
But I was honestly quite surprised with my answer at first. Yet it came out so naturally, and I think that this is what I honestly believe deep inside.
Not that I don't believe in Love. It's just that I think human love is limited to strong love, because of the weakness within the human heart. True Love comes ONLY from God, the one true perfect being, and the Trinity that forms God.
Catholic stuff. ^^
"For God so loved the world that he sent his only son to die for us."
Perhaps some might say, I can do that too! I'm willing to sacrifice my life for the one I love.
One CAN, however, look at it this way.
Perhaps the human mind can only understand so much, we are instead limiting the greater sacrifice behind that action, and the Love it took for that action to be carried out?
At the end of the day, it all lies on personal opinion doesn't it?
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
"Do you think True Love exists?" (Between People)
From there, quite obviously, the conversation went two ways. The believers and the non-believers. And my answer to that question showed me how much my thinking had changed.
In the past, my answer would probably have been "YES! I believe that there is such a thing."
But perhaps that was never my honest opinion, right from the start.
However, what Jason and I said was this:
True Love does not exist. (SHOCK. I know some of you will be shocked that I had this reply. XP But wait. It goes deeper.)
Our reasoning was that since humans are imperfect, human love is flawed, and that true love needed to be flawless, so true love does not exist. Perhaps the only being that has true love is God. More on this later.
So then, the opposition (haha) YiLin and Elphin, said that True Love did not have to be flawless, as when both people in a relationship are able to believe in it, and imagine it, it will come true in the couple's heart eventually. In Elphin's words, "The definition of true love is only between the couple."
Well, it all rests on what your definition of True Love is right?
But I was honestly quite surprised with my answer at first. Yet it came out so naturally, and I think that this is what I honestly believe deep inside.
Not that I don't believe in Love. It's just that I think human love is limited to strong love, because of the weakness within the human heart. True Love comes ONLY from God, the one true perfect being, and the Trinity that forms God.
Catholic stuff. ^^
"For God so loved the world that he sent his only son to die for us."
Perhaps some might say, I can do that too! I'm willing to sacrifice my life for the one I love.
One CAN, however, look at it this way.
Perhaps the human mind can only understand so much, we are instead limiting the greater sacrifice behind that action, and the Love it took for that action to be carried out?
At the end of the day, it all lies on personal opinion doesn't it?
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Cute Song!!
Still Alive
This was a triumph.
I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS!
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.
But there’s no sense crying over every mistake,
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive!
I’m not even angry
I’m being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece into afire
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we’re out of beta, we’re releasing on time
So I’m glad I got burned
Think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive!
Go ahead and leave me
I think I prefer to stay inside
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke, HA HA
FAT CHANCE
Anyway, this cake is great
It’s so delicious and moist
Look at me, still talking when there’s science to do.
When I look up there, it makes me glad I’m not you
I’ve experiments to run
There is research to be done on the people who are still alive!
And believe me I am still alive
I’m doing science and I’m still alive
I feel fantastic and I’m still alive
While you’re dying, I’ll be still alive
And when you’re dead, I will be still alive
Still Alive~
OK. This song is just too cute! It's from this way cool game, Portal.
SUPER FUNNY.
Lolz.
Alright. That's it for now.
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Friday, October 19, 2007
T.T!!!!!
Rarr. Another sleepless night, my second in a row...slept for all of 3 hours, then got up at four. Try as I might, I just couldn't get back to sleep. SOBS. So went and played audition. XP
Surprisingly, I'm not all that exhuasted right now. While there IS the slight nagging sensation at the back of my head, I'm actually quite wide awake. Maybe not as alert as I would normally be, and FAR from my normal processing speed, but still. It's surprising.
Still, wish I could have caught a few more hours of rest. Fiona and Sophia are coming over to my house to study today (though we probably will end up playing more), and it would have been good to have a brain ready to absorb info. The way things are going, I'm not gonna learn anything today. Nope. Nada. Zilch.
Haha...still...3 hours is better than nothing. Guess I should be thankful I even had those 3 hours. XP Better late than never, I say! Oh wait. Wrong quote. XP
Shucks...looks like my instinctive coping technique is leaping into action. Looks like I'm gonna be on high for the rest of the day. DANG. Oh well...I'm mostly always high anyway.
Haha. Fiona just told me that she and Sophia won't be able to make it. Oh no. I'm gonna be alone, with my poor aching head. T.T -sob sob- OVERDRAMATISATION!!!!!
O-k...Looks like my brain is kicking into overdrive. Should end this post here. Perhaps some coffee would sober me up? Or perhaps...it would just make me worse. XP
Oh wells.
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Surprisingly, I'm not all that exhuasted right now. While there IS the slight nagging sensation at the back of my head, I'm actually quite wide awake. Maybe not as alert as I would normally be, and FAR from my normal processing speed, but still. It's surprising.
Still, wish I could have caught a few more hours of rest. Fiona and Sophia are coming over to my house to study today (though we probably will end up playing more), and it would have been good to have a brain ready to absorb info. The way things are going, I'm not gonna learn anything today. Nope. Nada. Zilch.
Haha...still...3 hours is better than nothing. Guess I should be thankful I even had those 3 hours. XP Better late than never, I say! Oh wait. Wrong quote. XP
Shucks...looks like my instinctive coping technique is leaping into action. Looks like I'm gonna be on high for the rest of the day. DANG. Oh well...I'm mostly always high anyway.
Haha. Fiona just told me that she and Sophia won't be able to make it. Oh no. I'm gonna be alone, with my poor aching head. T.T -sob sob- OVERDRAMATISATION!!!!!
O-k...Looks like my brain is kicking into overdrive. Should end this post here. Perhaps some coffee would sober me up? Or perhaps...it would just make me worse. XP
Oh wells.
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
ThrashTalk Crew
One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was part of the thrashtalk crew. Got promoted to senior post by the president the very next day too! o.O Now...is that a good or bad thing?
I can't deny that I enjoy myself though. Many are the times I find myself lost in the sea of words, and yet I still find the experience nothing short of enjoyable. In that kind of environment, it's just much easier to relax and be yourself, and you don't have to be worried about someone taking your insults seriously. Well, not much anyway.
But seriously...how can you enjoy yourself so much when you are surrounded by all things horny and little things sweet? I have no idea, but it just works that way.
Oh and I have dubbed myself wondergirl, with GT as my pro sidekick. o.O (Don't ask me. He came up with the name himself. XP)
YES! This post is finally shaping out to be what its supposed to be! A random, corny, lame post! Lol.
My rank in the crew is now P-V. (Self-appointed.) It was supposed to be written PV but YL said it looked like pervert, so I added the dash for good measure.
I know I aint exactly making much sense right now. There are a couple of VERY good (really!) explanations for that. First and foremost, I slept at 2 am yesterday, and my stupid internal alarm system couldn't cope, and woke me up at 7.30 am. I did try to go back to sleep, but was left tossing and turning till I gave up at 8 plus. I did try to take a nap in the afternoon, but that didn't work either, cos the workers came over to fix up my new bookshelf. Gosh, all that hammering left my brain reverbarating within my skull. XD Stupid thing is still hurting now. =S
Speaking of Migraines, that is the second reason behind my incoherency. My brain exploded you see, and no brain equates to dumbness. Well, and death as well. So I'm a shinigami now. FEAR ME. MUAHAHAHA!
Now what WAS the third reason? I seem to have forgotten...Oh yea! My brain is on reverse gear today, and the shift is jammed, so I'm stuck this way for now. Oh wells.
On to more serious things. Science practical is tomorrow. AHHH! Oh well..freaking out won't help much. So anyway...I shall just try my best.
Deco rocks my socks, though the grammar and sentence structure leave much to be desired...
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
I can't deny that I enjoy myself though. Many are the times I find myself lost in the sea of words, and yet I still find the experience nothing short of enjoyable. In that kind of environment, it's just much easier to relax and be yourself, and you don't have to be worried about someone taking your insults seriously. Well, not much anyway.
But seriously...how can you enjoy yourself so much when you are surrounded by all things horny and little things sweet? I have no idea, but it just works that way.
Oh and I have dubbed myself wondergirl, with GT as my pro sidekick. o.O (Don't ask me. He came up with the name himself. XP)
YES! This post is finally shaping out to be what its supposed to be! A random, corny, lame post! Lol.
My rank in the crew is now P-V. (Self-appointed.) It was supposed to be written PV but YL said it looked like pervert, so I added the dash for good measure.
I know I aint exactly making much sense right now. There are a couple of VERY good (really!) explanations for that. First and foremost, I slept at 2 am yesterday, and my stupid internal alarm system couldn't cope, and woke me up at 7.30 am. I did try to go back to sleep, but was left tossing and turning till I gave up at 8 plus. I did try to take a nap in the afternoon, but that didn't work either, cos the workers came over to fix up my new bookshelf. Gosh, all that hammering left my brain reverbarating within my skull. XD Stupid thing is still hurting now. =S
Speaking of Migraines, that is the second reason behind my incoherency. My brain exploded you see, and no brain equates to dumbness. Well, and death as well. So I'm a shinigami now. FEAR ME. MUAHAHAHA!
Now what WAS the third reason? I seem to have forgotten...Oh yea! My brain is on reverse gear today, and the shift is jammed, so I'm stuck this way for now. Oh wells.
On to more serious things. Science practical is tomorrow. AHHH! Oh well..freaking out won't help much. So anyway...I shall just try my best.
Deco rocks my socks, though the grammar and sentence structure leave much to be desired...
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Whee!
Shifted house a few weeks ago, and thanks to that, I FINALLY got internet connection! YAY! Haha
Well, two people whom I haven't seen in church for a really long time came back today. HURRAH! Haha.
Anyway, this is an UBER random post, cos I just felt like it. Haha.
Hai...Exams coming... T.T
Oh yea! There's this jap song I really really like, cos the words are meaningful! Shall post the lyrics another day, but there are these three consecutive lines that have got to be my fav!
「未来を遠くにかざしてる・・・」
"Mirai o tooku ni kazashiteru"
煌めいた世界 遠い記憶は
Kirameita sekai to iki oku wa
見上げた空 夢を呼び起こす
Miageta sora yume o yobi okosu
Simply translated:
"I'm hoisting the future up, far in the distance..."
My far off memories are of a world that shined
I look up to the sky, and call my dreams to mind.
Thanks to gendou from which I got the lyrics. ^^
Anyway, gotta go study for Amath.
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
Well, two people whom I haven't seen in church for a really long time came back today. HURRAH! Haha.
Anyway, this is an UBER random post, cos I just felt like it. Haha.
Hai...Exams coming... T.T
Oh yea! There's this jap song I really really like, cos the words are meaningful! Shall post the lyrics another day, but there are these three consecutive lines that have got to be my fav!
「未来を遠くにかざしてる・・・」
"Mirai o tooku ni kazashiteru"
煌めいた世界 遠い記憶は
Kirameita sekai to iki oku wa
見上げた空 夢を呼び起こす
Miageta sora yume o yobi okosu
Simply translated:
"I'm hoisting the future up, far in the distance..."
My far off memories are of a world that shined
I look up to the sky, and call my dreams to mind.
Thanks to gendou from which I got the lyrics. ^^
Anyway, gotta go study for Amath.
Ja' ne!
-Ade-
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